Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It has been three weeks since I last held or saw Owen...
   I will be starting back to work on Monday. I am not sure that I am 100% ready, but I doubt that even if I waited 5 years that I would ever truly feel ready to go back.  However, it will give me purpose during the day, and I will be able to be productive.  I do really enjoy working with the students, so I am sure that once I am back, I will be certain that I made the right choice.
  Today, I had to drop something off at the school, and while I was there, the school bus and some parents were dropping off the children who would have been Owen's classmates for pre-k.  I am not sure why the whole school issue makes me so sad-maybe because I know he would have been so excited to go and learn, and to make friends, and that he will never have the chance to do that now. I had the opportunity to have him spend a few classes at another pre-k in the spring, but never did take him due to therapies, etc. Now I am wondering what would have been more important to Owen. He would have loved going to school. I so wish I would have taken him...

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

, "but never did take him due to therapies, etc."

That says it all. Let yourself have peace, Jen. The little O-Frog is watching, and he wants it for you, too... I know it is easier said than done, but - of all times - you surely cannot question your mothering now... You made the right decisions because he needed the medical help!! You are strong and wonderful and beautiful and INTELLIGENT: do not let ANYONE - I repeat, ANYONE - tell you or make you feel otherwise.

I am glad you are going back to work.... Keep taking care of you...
Love to You.

Anonymous said...

Jen,
You are a wonderful Mom, you were to Owen while he was here and you still are now. You did what was best for O. I still remember the day we went to get ice cream with the boys Jeffie cried and did not want to leave you and Owen because we had so much fun playing and hanging out that day, oh and when Owen, Jeffie, and Ryan played in the sand and little pool when grandpa brought Owen down to our house. He was happy that is what matters. You made very special fun filled memories with Owen every day. He will forever be watching over all of our shoulders especially you because you are his beautiful Mommy. Just remember the words from the song, and what he wishes. I am here for you any time. Love ya!
Love,
Lynn

michigan_herrs said...

My cousin who lost her 3 year old daughter has had to deal with the uncomfortable situation whenever anyone asks, 'how many?' for the last 4 years. I don't believe time ever makes the pain go away, it appears to just change.

I was told in my early 20's people who die in childhood come to earth to gain their wings and become God's angels upon their return to heaven. I didn't really think much about this until all of the death my son's cancer made me see. Now I have to believe the God turns something that is so terrible to us here on earth into something good.

I am sure going back to work is like getting back on a bike after not riding for 10 years. Hang in there.
Rachel

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking about when you said, 'how do I sign our cards?" He is your child and will always be so why don't you sign Owen in silver with a halo over his name. He is your little angel!

scheris said...

What matters now is that Owen is at peace and he wouldnt want to know you ever doubted yourself as a mother. All children really need is to be loved and nurtured and you did that with your whole heart!

^Christian Showers^ said...

Hi Jen, I to have my moments as well when I question something but then I remind myself to not do that whatever decisions we made at the time was for the best at that moment. I know how hard this is so please know im here for you. As for signing cards I put our names and then ^Christian^ he is still part of our family and he wont be forgotten just like Owen is part of yours.
Hugs to you all
Amy