Monday, August 25, 2008

As I have written, Owen is on a continuous med pump know which is so wonderful-his pain is finally controlled and he is comfortable. He has been hallucinating a bit, which most of the time is kind of cute and funny--like for instance, he looked up toward the ceiling one night and said "Hi, Big Bird! Mommy! Do you see Big Bird? Did he come to visit me?" To which , i answered, "Of course!" He sees Care Bears, etc...One afternoon, though, he said "I want my mommy" and I was sitting right next to him, holding his hand, so I said, "I'm right here, Owen. Mommy's right here with you" and he started to cry and said "No! Not you! I want my mommy!" Broke my heart that he could believe, even in a confused state, that I was not with him. I was thinking-my god, what if this is how he is at the end, and he dies thinking I was not with him? Horrendous! This morning, he was interacting with Spiderman, and the evil Venom (but in Owen's hallucination, Venom was a good guy and his friend.) I actually took on a male voice to help him with his fantasy-I was Venom as I helped to feed him a little bit of a freezie pop!
He has been sleeping quite a bit, which is good for him. He has gotten soo thin, and we have to make sure we keep changing his position so that his skin does not break down-it already did in one spot on his butt from where the pull up was rubbing when he was in one position. :( This is the hardest thing I have even done, but let me tell you-I would do it forever if it meant still having him here with me...What I am doing now is heaven because I can still hold and kiss and smell my little man. I don't know how my life could go on without him. It will be incomplete for the rest of my life...

1 comment:

Deneen said...

Miss and love you much. I found this blog today (Believe it or not!)and it made me so happy that Owen has you to look after him and love him....I love you all and miss you always