Thursday, June 11, 2009

his birth:
…and then my world was complete. I realized that all of the other things I had wanted in my life, that were my life, were merely that—things. I promised myself that from this precise second on, my mind will no longer be consumed by thoughts of the things I do not have that a friend or neighbor does. I will look upon your charming face and recognize that, as long as I have you, even if I have nothing, I have everything.

and death:
I both hear and feel it when you take a breath-shallow and quick. Your cough is only a sound, your body to weak to move a bit. I remember reading that when babies are born too early the benefit of having the mother hold their child skin to skin encourages the health of the baby and decreases the mortality rate. It’s called "Kangaroo Care". You and I used to sleep in the recommended position: tummy to tummy, head in between the breasts. The baby's head is turned so that the ear is above the parent's heart. You are no longer able to be in that position comfortably, so instead I place my arm under your shirt, your stomach warm on my skin. I try to believe that, as a wanna be wallaby, my skin against yours will grant me a few more days, hours, minutes with you, because I don’t know what I will do if it doesn’t….


jackie nowak said...

dear jen, it was so nice to see you and your family at relay for life. i think of you often. and ofcourse there is not a day that goes by that i do not think of my little pal with a tear in my eyes but a smile in my heart. i too, miss him so very much. as you know so much of this world is just not ours to understand. know as always if i can do anything for you or your family i'm just a phone call away 603-6030 or just call to chit-chat. or maybe we could get together for lunch or drinks sometime and cathch up. And as i have told you before thank you so much for the oppertunity to work with and of cource fall in love with your wonderful little boy. i will never forget him take care jen... miss jackie

ashton update said...


I noticed a new name on my blog, yours. I found your blog and have been reading it for the past couple of hours. I have practically gone through a box of tissues. There are no words I can say... I just wanted you to know that Owens story has touched my heart in ways I can't describe. He lives on in many, even those who never met him.
Dori, Ashton's mom.