I may not be writing for awhile. I don't even know what to say right now. I am not feeling so positive today. I have no inspirational words. I am sad, I am angry, and none of this makes any sense. I have done everything I felt was best for Owen and everyone.
His body is so thin, his skin integrity is absolutely horrible, there is just so much of him that is deteriorating. I am hoping he feels no pain, but how do we truly know? His morphine was increased today. I hope that he is at peace and comfortable.
How do people get through this? People say how strong I am, but my god, I sure don't feel that I am. I don't even know what else I can do to help him be more comfortable...nothing, I suppose, which in itself makes me feel like a failure as a mother. I am supposed to be able to comfort my children, especially when they are not feeling well.
He is still here. I am still able to touch him. Again, what am I going to do when I can't anymore? How does a mother hand her child over to someone, knowing that she will never, ever see him again?