As I have written, Owen is on a continuous med pump know which is so wonderful-his pain is finally controlled and he is comfortable. He has been hallucinating a bit, which most of the time is kind of cute and funny--like for instance, he looked up toward the ceiling one night and said "Hi, Big Bird! Mommy! Do you see Big Bird? Did he come to visit me?" To which , i answered, "Of course!" He sees Care Bears, etc...One afternoon, though, he said "I want my mommy" and I was sitting right next to him, holding his hand, so I said, "I'm right here, Owen. Mommy's right here with you" and he started to cry and said "No! Not you! I want my mommy!" Broke my heart that he could believe, even in a confused state, that I was not with him. I was thinking-my god, what if this is how he is at the end, and he dies thinking I was not with him? Horrendous! This morning, he was interacting with Spiderman, and the evil Venom (but in Owen's hallucination, Venom was a good guy and his friend.) I actually took on a male voice to help him with his fantasy-I was Venom as I helped to feed him a little bit of a freezie pop!
He has been sleeping quite a bit, which is good for him. He has gotten soo thin, and we have to make sure we keep changing his position so that his skin does not break down-it already did in one spot on his butt from where the pull up was rubbing when he was in one position. :( This is the hardest thing I have even done, but let me tell you-I would do it forever if it meant still having him here with me...What I am doing now is heaven because I can still hold and kiss and smell my little man. I don't know how my life could go on without him. It will be incomplete for the rest of my life...