April Anxieties

AHH! Ok, Owen's next scan is April 15, a year to the day when he was admitted to the hospital and our lives changed forever. I am losing sleep thinking about the very real possibility that it could show regrowth. I have to accept each and every day as a gift-I realize that we could have lost him last year on several occasions, and I should be thankful for the time I have with him. But my god, what human being would not be concerned about what the future holds for him? If one of his scans comes back with regrowth, Owen will be hospitalized for about a month and endure heavy duty chemo and would need a bone marrow transplant. We were told that if the cancer comes back, that the likelihood of it being cured is very minimal. Think of it like the superbugs that are created by doctors excessively prescribing antibiotics-it is kind of like that. The cancer cells have already seen the chemo drugs, so are more resistant to them-they are prepared to fight back, where the chemo took them by suprise the first time. How does a parent deal with that? How could a parent ever go on after losing a child? My god, I hope I never have to find out...